When I write about the incredible happiness in our marriage I see many great comments and questions. One of the most common questions comes from women who just want to know one thing. Where are all of the great guys?

I’m here to tell you there are still men out there who want to be your knight in shining armor. The trick? Finding and attracting them.

Just a quick caveat. This is not a list meant to pass judgement on any actions or behaviors. Rather it is intended to be a practical guide to attracting a man who will love and care for you in all aspects, mental, spiritual and physical.

1. Send the right message

If you want a man who will respect you as a person then you need to send the message that you respect yourself. Use your dress, behaviors and attitudes to show you are person to be valued, not something to be conquered.

A good man, one who will care for you, respect you and love you isn’t looking for a one night stand. He wants to be in your world, to share your hopes and dreams. When you send a message of self-confidence and gentleness he will be respond in kind.

2. Become the type of person you want to attract

Are you happy with yourself right now? Let’s say you found a man and he seemed like a great catch. If you discover that his mindset, habits, weaknesses, level of growth, amount of care for others and overall attitude toward life are similar to yours will he still seem so wonderful?

This isn’t meant to discourage or disparage you. If you are very happy with where you are and where you are headed then that’s great! But if there are things you wish were different about yourself then now is the time to start changing. The point is, if you aren’t happy with yourself then you don’t want the type of man who is attracted to the current you. Grow yourself to a place of greater self-love first, then you have a much better shot at getting the man of your dreams.

3. Don’t Settle

Far too many people jump into marriage without really knowing what they want. If your marriage is to last a lifetime and be happy then it would be good to consider exactly what you are looking for in a partner.

My wife and I share the same spiritual values and attitudes on child rearing. We each knew we wanted someone for whom divorce would never even be a possibility. When you are considering a potential husband know your standards and stick to them.

4. Be prepared to walk away

In college I dated a good number of young ladies. If I determined one wasn’t the right person then I was prepared to walk away. I wasn’t callous or heartless. In fact when my wife and I first married most of the couples we hung out with were my ex-girlfriends and their husbands. I always did my best to end things on good terms.

If you aren’t yet married and he isn’t right then sometimes you just have to end it.

5. Listen to those you trust

Once I dated a girl who was sweet, pretty and we had a lot of fun together. I was infatuated and thought she was the one. But a friend told me three simple words. “She’s pretty fickle.” He was right.

When the people you know and trust are telling you someone is bad news then pause and consider their words. They may be wrong, but at least try to see it from their point of view. It’s hard to do so when your emotions are all over the place however it may save you a lot of pain later.


You DO have a choice. The person you decide to marry and commit to for life will either do what it takes to love you well or work to serve his own self-interest. Before you exchange vows and rings you want to make as certain as possible that this IS the right person for you.

Going into marriage you can’t know everything about the other person. But don’t rush in without doing whatever you can to make sure your values, attitudes, beliefs and expectations are as compatible as possible.